mnnews.today

CareTalk: Permission to Grieve

Q. One of my dearest, lifelong friends died by suicide recently. Although we know he was struggling, there were never any signs that he would take his own life. In fact he was making travel plans for the future. It seems so sudden and I am devastated. How do I help myself get through this awful time as well as support his family?

Tanya Russell January 29, 2016

A. When someone we love dies suddenly, it can be so hard to know how to deal with this loss, especially when our loved one dies by suicide. All loss creates pain and grief, but in the case of suicide, there may be many unanswered questions; especially when there were no signs that suicide was being contemplated.

Unfortunately, we know that many people who choose to end their life don’t show any signs, because they don’t want us to know. Even trained health professionals may not see signs for the same reason.

Everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way, unless there is concern for your own safety, or someone else’s. Feelings of sadness, fear, guilt, anger, loneliness, helplessness − as well as experiencing physical concerns such as exhaustion, poor sleep and reduced appetite − are all considered “normal” when you are grieving.

The best advice I can give you is − allow yourself to express your grief and look after your mind and body. Also, be present in your friend’s family’s life. You don’t need to have the right words: just be there with them and let them know you are available for them; to talk, or to help with anything, whether in terms of the funeral or practical support.

You may never be able to make sense of why your friend chose to end his life but with time, it is possible, through grief, to find ways to create further meaning in life.

Here are some suggestions:

If you find dealing with your grief overwhelming, please reach out to someone. You can contact CatholicCare Social Services for support on 4979 1172.

 

Follow mnnews.today on Twitter and Instagram.